AG's MOM lost Aaron to an Overdose

by Super User 13 April, 2018
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  I couldn't get to the funeral on time in Long Island.   I came after everyone was gone and it was just me and the clean dirt with his name on it and  the name of  Chapel who brought him.  I couldn't face seeing my dear friends face at her tremendous loss.   I knew how that feels and I wasn't ready to come face 2 face with losing another son to heroin overdose.

When I'm in that negative space.  There's one thing that gets me thru it.  FAITH.  I cry to G-D and ask him to take it all.  It's too much to bear.  Help me get thru it.  It's like that huge wave from the PERFECT STORM.  I just have to go thru it and ask G-D to get me there with a safe landing.  I used to find myself not getting out of bed until I called  30 friends.  I was in such a bad place from  fear of not knowing what will be that it paralyzed me.  Friends loving words cushioned me or that was my band aid.  I knew that I had to do the real work.  FAITH - NO MATTER WHAT - Faith was going to get me thru this and the slogans ONE DAY AT A TIME.  No one but me was going to  kick my ass.  I realized NO, I must survive this.  Missing Aaron never goes away that dreadful day  when I got that call that he was no more.  I know now that I have to survive and only my FAITH can get me thru it.  No meds as I had the worst reaction to Ambilify to topomak.    I'm  going to have to get thru this with FAITH. Knowing my G-D is right here inside me, I allow my fear to be replaced by faith.  FAITH knowing if I put in the effort, the work I'm going to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I'm going to stay connected to my community of Samaritan Daytop Village, Thrive,  Magic Chairs (support group of parents with addict children)  (Compassionate friends, Cope - Support groups of parents that lost their children, and  (Nami - Nat. Alliance on Mental Illness).  I set aside a time to connect to my higher power and realize I am not running the show.  When I turn my tiny power over to my higher Power, I tune into a magnificent power.  This infinite magnificent power is what gives me the strength to control myself.  I cannot do it alone.

Faith means detaching from controlling other people and getting on with my life.  Faith means hoping the end result is going to be positive. Even if I have to fake it till I make it which I do everyday. I  will live and visual life's living thoughts.  I will visualize that my addict daughter living in a domestic shelter with my 9 year olds grandson is being cared for in a shelter.  They have their food and shelter needs provided.   My faith and gratitude will help me to say get on with your life .     I will do my weekly goals - day by day goals, fill up my calendar with hour to hour schedules of work, play dates - sets target goals for the month.  My faith will help me focus on me - my needs.  Keeping busy will save my life , my faith will keep my compass going north and if I slip south I will pick myself up and start again - all over again. one foot in front of the other.  I have to look at FAITH as a new opportunity has just arrived - FAITH.

My recovery is linked to your recovery.  We are not alone.

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